At times I will still wonder

And at times I will still wonder what it would’ve been like if I wasn’t a child of grief and you were still here somehow

I don’t think there is any pain like watching your parents grief

As I stood in confusion

trying to put the pieces together

Of why you’re there

And I am here

How I could travel to you

Then wake up to lose you

The wind is still blowing

The waves are still slamming

And I’m still standing with confusion

Asking questions

Trying to visualize

How it took one sec

Or two

Sucked you in

And you were gone

And at times I will still wonder

What it would’ve been like to be raised on love instead of fear

And what it would’ve been like if daddy wasn’t so angry

And mommy wasn’t so sad

What it would’ve been like having the freedom to be a child

And to grow

And to not fear of the world

As I stand in compassion

I don’t blame my parents

I never will

It was never them

But I will still wonder at times what it would’ve been like if I wasn’t a child of grief